Amarillo
Tom
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Buy all your VW California Accessories at the Club Shop Visit Shop
jts46
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Spot deliberate mistake
Nick.C
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Looks like they will have to take public transport to get home!
WelshGas
Retired after 42 yrs and enjoying Life.
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Amarillo
Tom
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These modern families.
"Look who is waiting for them... two dads."
1.40 or -0.32 seconds
Last edited:
CaliBear
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T
TripleBee
Reminds me of that one time I was driving on the motorway, when 2 buses kept driving on the left lane (we drive on the right side, you know). I went to the right lane, ready to pass those buses, when I saw a mother duck surrounded by her ducklings, crossing the motorway. Another car was behind me, when I drove onto the emergency lane. I was afraid the car behind me was going to run them over, but luckily he felt that something was wrong, and drove onto the emergency lane too.
So the buses on the left, me and the car behind me on the emergency lane, leaving enough space for the ducks to cross the motorway.
In my rearview mirror I then saw the ducks crossing the emergency lane to the grass.
I hope they lived happy ever after, but I don't know. I just know that I left them alive.
It is always nice to see young life giving all they have to grow up.
WelshGas
Retired after 42 yrs and enjoying Life.
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Mr T
Chris
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Clarification of the lockdown rules:
1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house.
2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not.
3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open.
4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work.
5. You should not go to the Doctor's or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there.
6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes, or not.
8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out.
9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some.
10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it affects.
11. Animals are not affected, but there was a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11).
13. You will have many symptoms if you get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...it's a sort of lucky/unlucky dip.
14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go to the shops, unless you need toilet roll or a fence panel.
15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic, unless you've had a long walk, which you are/aren't allowed to do if you're old or pregnant.
16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication.
17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out.
18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including frozen pizza.
19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours...or six hours... I mean days, not hours. But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic.
22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores within their education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am.
23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am.
24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of. The people who die of corona who aren’t counted, won’t or will be counted but maybe not.
25. We should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected.
26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music whilst also having a party which you are allowed to call the police about.
27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus.
Hope that makes things clearer for you?
1. You MUST NOT leave the house for any reason, but if you have a reason, you can leave the house.
2. Masks are useless at protecting you against the virus, but you may have to wear one because it can save lives, but they may not work, but they may be mandatory, but maybe not.
3. Shops are closed, except those shops that are open.
4. You must not go to work but you can get another job and go to work.
5. You should not go to the Doctor's or to the hospital unless you have to go there, unless you are too poorly to go there.
6. This virus can kill people, but don’t be scared of it. It can only kill those people who are vulnerable or those people who are not vulnerable. It’s possible to contain and control it, sometimes, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.
7. Gloves won't help, but they can still help so wear them sometimes, or not.
8. STAY HOME, but it's important to go out.
9. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarkets, but there are many things missing. Sometimes you won’t need loo rolls but you should buy some just in case you need some.
10. The virus has no effect on children except those children it affects.
11. Animals are not affected, but there was a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…
12. Stay 2 metres away from tigers (see point 11).
13. You will have many symptoms if you get the virus, but you can also get symptoms without getting the virus, get the virus without having any symptoms or be contagious without having symptoms, or be non contagious with symptoms...it's a sort of lucky/unlucky dip.
14. To help protect yourself you should eat well and exercise, but eat whatever you have on hand as it's better not to go to the shops, unless you need toilet roll or a fence panel.
15. It's important to get fresh air but don't go to parks but go for a walk. But don’t sit down, except if you are old, but not for too long or if you are pregnant or if you’re not old or pregnant but need to sit down. If you do sit down don’t eat your picnic, unless you've had a long walk, which you are/aren't allowed to do if you're old or pregnant.
16. Don’t visit old people but you have to take care of the old people and bring them food and medication.
17. If you are sick, you can go out when you are better but anyone else in your household can’t go out when you are better unless they need to go out.
18. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house. These deliveries are safe. But groceries you bring back to your house have to be decontaminated outside for 3 hours including frozen pizza.
19. You can't see your older mother or grandmother, but they can take a taxi and meet an older taxi driver.
20. You are safe if you maintain the safe social distance when out but you can’t go out with friends or strangers at the safe social distance.
21. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours ... or four hours...or six hours... I mean days, not hours. But it needs a damp environment. Or a cold environment that is warm and dry... in the air, as long as the air is not plastic.
22. Schools are closed so you need to home educate your children, unless you can send them to school because you’re not at home. If you are at home you can home educate your children using various portals and virtual class rooms, unless you have poor internet, or more than one child and only one computer, or you are working from home. Baking cakes can be considered maths, science or art. If you are home educating you can include household chores within their education. If you are home educating you can start drinking at 10am.
23. If you are not home educating children you can also start drinking at 10am.
24. The number of corona related deaths will be announced daily but we don't know how many people are infected as they are only testing those who are almost dead to find out if that's what they will die of. The people who die of corona who aren’t counted, won’t or will be counted but maybe not.
25. We should stay in locked down until the virus stops infecting people but it will only stop infecting people if we all get infected so it’s important we get infected and some don’t get infected.
26. You can join your neighbours for a street party and turn your music up for an outside disco and your neighbours won’t call the police. People in another street are allowed to call the police about your music whilst also having a party which you are allowed to call the police about.
27. No business will go down due to Coronavirus except those businesses that will go down due to Coronavirus.
Hope that makes things clearer for you?
Karlos
Reminds me of a new build school gym I surveyed when nearing completion. Double height building with small windows around the top of the walls and 2 sets of double doors at each end of the building.
I walked in to the building to find the site foreman and 3 blokes standing and staring at it in disbelief.
A JCB.
WelshGas
Retired after 42 yrs and enjoying Life.
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Definitely Mind Bending. Took some rehearsal to get that right.
Amarillo
Tom
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CaliBear
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Vantastic2
A man walks into the pub and asks the barman, "How much is it for a pint of real ale?" The barman replies 50p. The customer, completely amazed, orders a pint then asks the barman, "How much for a large sirloin steak medium/rare, with pepper sauce and of chips – followed by an large cheesecake for desert, a large cappuccino coffee and a glass of your best brandy?" The barman replies “£2.50”.
The customer, still amazed, then orders everything he had asked about. After he had finished his gourmet meal, he says to the barman. "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner and ask him how he does it." The barman says, "Oh, he's upstairs in his office with my wife." The man looks confused then asks, "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?"
The barman replies "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"
The customer, still amazed, then orders everything he had asked about. After he had finished his gourmet meal, he says to the barman. "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner and ask him how he does it." The barman says, "Oh, he's upstairs in his office with my wife." The man looks confused then asks, "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?"
The barman replies "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"
Vantastic2
1) Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
2) I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
3) I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
4) Couldn't decide where to go for Easter ---- The Living Room or The Bedroom.
5) Every few days I try my jeans on to make sure they still fit.
6) Home schooling is going well, 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
7) I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, we'd go from GMT to the Twilight Zone.
8) This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog, and we laughed a lot.
9) So, after this quarantine... will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
10) Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called "THE KITCHEN". You have to gather all ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
11) My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
12) Day 5 of Home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
13) I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the rubbish. What should I wear?
14) I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living Room.
15) Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
16) Day 6 of Home schooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year" ... I'm offended.
17) Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.
2) I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
3) I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
4) Couldn't decide where to go for Easter ---- The Living Room or The Bedroom.
5) Every few days I try my jeans on to make sure they still fit.
6) Home schooling is going well, 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
7) I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks, we'd go from GMT to the Twilight Zone.
8) This morning I saw a neighbour talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog, and we laughed a lot.
9) So, after this quarantine... will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
10) Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called "THE KITCHEN". You have to gather all ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
11) My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
12) Day 5 of Home schooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
13) I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the rubbish. What should I wear?
14) I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Living Room.
15) Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
16) Day 6 of Home schooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year" ... I'm offended.
17) Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.
Vantastic2
That reminds me of something my late father-in-law said when he was in an R.A.F plane to Gibraltar...'did I put the last bolt in' ...he was an engineer !
Ting Tong
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The following are 2 significant factors affecting the spread of coronavirus:
1. How dense the population is; and
2. How dense the population is
1. How dense the population is; and
2. How dense the population is
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WelshGas
Retired after 42 yrs and enjoying Life.
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Amarillo
Tom
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