Best Christmas Cracker Jokes

[Aidy P]

Let's hear your best cracker jokes this Christmas

My wife told me I was a fool to build a VW California out of spaghetti...

...You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta

 

[Days out]

Not Cali related but my favourite...

"Why did the baker have brown hands?"







"Because he kneeded a poo!"


Sorry. Makes me laugh every time!!!

 

[blakeley]

We have a transvestite coming over for Christmas this year

Says he cant wait to eat, drink and be Mary.

 

[GillianC]

What did Cinderella say when the chemist lost her photos?

One day my prints will come.

Sorry !!!!!

 

[Trailertrash]

After years of research scientists have discovered a food which leads to a lifetime of nagging pain and misery: WEDDING CAKE.

 

[blakeley]

BREAKING NEWS ... BREAKING NEWS..

Chris Rea has broken down, just seen him on hard shoulder of M1 with steam pouring from the bonnet

 

[[email protected]]

What's snowmans' favourite beach toy...

a freezebee

 

[Trailertrash]

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 am this morning.... can you believe that 2.30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

 

[Erbster]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

 

[Erbster]

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

 

[Erbster]

What do you call a man floating on the sea?

Bob

 

[Erbster]

What do you call a woman sitting on a house?

Ruth.

 

[Erbster]

What do you call a man with a plank on his head?

Edward.

What do you call a man with three planks on his head?

Edward Woodward

 

[Borris]

What's brown and sticky?



A stick.

 

[Billy]

Who hides in a bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy

 

[Borris]

 

[Days out]

Did you know that owls cant breed in the rain?





It's too wet to woo......

 

[Teejay]

What do you call a man with leaves on his head?




Russell..

 

[Teejay]

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?




A stick !

 

[Trailertrash]

The Grim Reaper came for me last night and I beat him off with the vacuum cleaner..........Bloody Hell.... Talk about Dyson with death!

 

[Erbster]

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonky

 

[Erbster]

Why don't polar bears eat penguins?

There are two answers.

Version A: because they can't get the wrappers off.

 

[Erbster]

Version B (if the previous answer is given): polar bears live in the arctic and penguins in the Antarctic...

 

[Adamvanman]

I had a fight with a snowman last night.

He did not last very long

Things got a bit heated !

 

[Days out]

I've started a business building yachts in my attic.





Sails are going through the roof.