Happy Things/Thoughts/Videos/Jokes

[Auberg-ine]

What's this whole British chicken eggs obsession about?
Anyway, time for some different!

 

[Borris]

 

[larrylamb]

 

[Broch Hunter]

I believe this may have been filmed on location in Greenwich

 

[Perfectos]

 

[Vagophile]

What the cluck is going on with all these chicken jokes?

 

[SimonB]

The dangers of trusting too much in tech possibly, contains no chicken jokes

 

[SimonB]

Quarantina, a happy singalong to start the day

 

[Borris]

Quarantina, a happy singalong to start the day

It only seems right to follow Quarantina with ...............

 

[Amarillo]

Congratulations to Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son.

Any name suggestions?

 

[WelshGas]

Congratulations to Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their child.

Any name suggestions?

Corona?
Although he could be bullied in school.

Tom Hanks writes to boy called Corona who said he was bullied

The Australian boy sent a letter to the Hollywood star when he heard Hanks had caught the virus.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[andyinluton]

Eggbert

 

[Ch1pbutty]

‘Lockdown lingo’ - are you fully conversant with the new terminology? Here are a few terms to get you in the groove:

Coronacoaster
The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.

Quarantinis
Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.

Blue Skype thinking
A work brainstorming session which takes place over a videoconferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”. Naturally, they are to be avoided if at all possible.

Le Creuset wrist
It’s the new “avocado hand” - an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.

Coronials
As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.

Furlough Merlot
Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.

Coronadose
An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a “panicdemic.

The elephant in the Zoom
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.

Quentin Quarantino
An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.

Covidiot
One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.

Goutbreak
The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.

Antisocial distancing
Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.

Coughin’ dodger
Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.

Mask-ara
Extra make-up applied to "make one's eyes pop" before venturing out in public wearing a face mask.

Covid-10
The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.

…and finally, finally: One sentence to sum up 2020, so far: At one point this week, 1 loo roll was worth more than a barrel of crude oil!”

 

[Velma's Dad]

‘Lockdown lingo’ - are you fully conversant with the new terminology? Here are a few terms to get you in the groove:

Coronacoaster
The ups and downs of your mood during the pandemic. You’re loving lockdown one minute but suddenly weepy with anxiety the next. It truly is “an emotional coronacoaster”.

Quarantinis
Experimental cocktails mixed from whatever random ingredients you have left in the house. The boozy equivalent of a store cupboard supper. Southern Comfort and Ribena quarantini with a glacé cherry garnish, anyone? These are sipped at “locktail hour”, ie. wine o’clock during lockdown, which seems to be creeping earlier with each passing week.

Blue Skype thinking
A work brainstorming session which takes place over a videoconferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”. Naturally, they are to be avoided if at all possible.

Le Creuset wrist
It’s the new “avocado hand” - an aching arm after taking one’s best saucepan outside to bang during the weekly ‘Clap For Carers.’ It might be heavy but you’re keen to impress the neighbours with your high-quality kitchenware.

Coronials
As opposed to millennials, this refers to the future generation of babies conceived or born during coronavirus quarantine. They might also become known as “Generation C” or, more spookily, “Children of the Quarn”.

Furlough Merlot
Wine consumed in an attempt to relieve the frustration of not working. Also known as “bored-eaux” or “cabernet tedium”.

Coronadose
An overdose of bad news from consuming too much media during a time of crisis. Can result in a “panicdemic.

The elephant in the Zoom
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. E.g. one participant has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.

Quentin Quarantino
An attention-seeker using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.

Covidiot
One who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown” or even a “Wuhan-ker”.

Goutbreak
The sudden fear that you’ve consumed so much wine, cheese, home-made cake and Easter chocolate in lockdown that your ankles are swelling up like a medieval king’s.

Antisocial distancing
Using health precautions as an excuse for snubbing neighbours and generally ignoring people you find irritating.

Coughin’ dodger
Someone so alarmed by an innocuous splutter or throat-clear that they back away in terror.

Mask-ara
Extra make-up applied to "make one's eyes pop" before venturing out in public wearing a face mask.

Covid-10
The 10lbs in weight that we’re all gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. Also known as “fattening the curve”.

…and finally, finally: One sentence to sum up 2020, so far: At one point this week, 1 loo roll was worth more than a barrel of crude oil!”

Excellent.

Guilty of more than one of those. And no, I'm not saying.

 

[Vagophile]

Congratulations to Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son.

Any name suggestions?

Aloysius Archibold, or AA as he will be known at Eton

 

[Amarillo]

Staff at Lewisham Hospital by my talented niece.

 

[willwander]

Congratulations to Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son.

Any name suggestions?

Mohammed ?

 

[Vantastic2]

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've been a good cat all of these years.
Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.'
The cat says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.'
And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.
The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.'
God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,
'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'
The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my life.... ........

And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!

 

[Vantastic2]

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, but not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the wardrobe.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the same wardrobe.
The boy now has company. Boy: "Dark in here isn’t it?" Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a cricket ball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the woman's lover are in the wardrobe together. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a cricket bat." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell." Man: "How much?" Boy: "£750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your bat and ball. Let's go outside and have a game of cricket!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible, to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says ..........

"Don't start THAT again."

 

[WelshGas]

'Tallest model railway' on show

Former servicemen have constructed what is believed to be the world's tallest model railway.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[Ch1pbutty]

 

[SimonB]

View attachment 58293

Is that one of these testing stations where they lean into your car to take a swab? Not much PPE visible.

 

[SimonB]

This is probably an unwelcome animal visitor. Look at the way it is taken back to the creek at the end

'Angry' alligator visits US family's home

The reptile, known locally as Big George ambled onto a property on Hilton Head Island, South Carolina.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[Jodalo]

Congratulations to Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son.

Any name suggestions?

I’ve mulled it over but I can’t think of anything that chimes with de Pfeffel.

 

[Amarillo]

I’ve mulled it over but I can’t think of anything that chimes with de Pfeffel.

I remember playing this game when Tony Blair's child was born. It was much easier:
Paddington
Teddy
Polar
Lionel
Rupert
Grizzly
Etc. etc. etc.