Happy Things/Thoughts/Videos/Jokes

[Amarillo]

"He said he put it on the floor then he slipped and fell on it."

He could have claimed it was fired by the enema.

 

[Velma's Dad]

 

[Ch1pbutty]

 

[Ch1pbutty]

The party that never happened….

 

[Amarillo]

The party that never happened….

Why do you think the PM is annoyed?
That he wasn’t invited to a party held in his house (and he’s telling the truth about being ignorant of the party).
Or;
He knew about the party (presumably authorising it) and is annoyed that his lie has been caught with proof that the party occurred.

I think the latter is more plausible but the former would be less damaging.

In the PM’s world, facts are a work of fiction.

 

[Mr T]

 

[WelshGas]

Oops.

Cars written off by road bollards caught on camera

A number of vehicles including a police van have been seen colliding with the width restriction.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[Perfectos]

Oops.

Cars written off by road bollards caught on camera

A number of vehicles including a police van have been seen colliding with the width restriction.

www.bbc.co.uk

that width restriction has been there a long time now, it amazes me how people do not see it clearly (it’s like a Road block as you approach). It is not wide enough but it is absolutely hilarious how people navigate it, (or not) there is enough space on the road to turn around before the restrictions if required,
the house CCTV must be worth a fortune to the owners via you’ve been framed submission fees !

ridiculously the council saw fit to put this measure in place as traffic calming on local roads used as a rat run away from a busy A road !

 

[Doorbundle]

 

[GrumpyGranddad]

We’ve just put the fairy on the Christmas tree.

 

[GrumpyGranddad]

Seen in Bury apparently.

 

[GrumpyGranddad]

Dr. Sarah Gilbert on the Covid Vaccine (Dimbleby Lectures, BBC iPlayer) is worth a watch.

 

[kurienp]

Dr. Sarah Gilbert on the Covid Vaccine (Dimbleby Lectures, BBC iPlayer) is worth a watch.

Thank you. That was very interesting.

 

[Ch1pbutty]

 

[WelshGas]

View attachment 87480

I presume you are volunteering to take over his job?

 

[Ch1pbutty]

I presume you are volunteering to take over his job?

I don't have the right hair for it

 

[WelshGas]

I don't have the right hair for it

Nor does anyone else.

 

[clarinetbcn]

I presume you are volunteering to take over his job?

I presume you are suggesting that he’s doing a good job? Just asking…

 

[Perfectos]

Another fun innocuous thread descending into Bolitics

 

[WelshGas]

I presume you are suggesting that he’s doing a good job? Just asking…

Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat? Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard? So they can park in handicapped spaces. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the definition of a nerd? Someone who owns his own alto clarinet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put down a tenor saxophone? Confuse it with a bass clarinet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet? Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain? Gifted. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain? An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree? Cut the noose. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections: Flute Brains, $1/lb Tuba Brains, $10/lb Percussion Brains, $5/lb Then he saw a sign that read: Clarinet Brains, $100/lb He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know hwow many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house? They don't know where to enter and what key to use. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard? Vibrato. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you stop an oboe from being stolen? Put it in a clarinet case. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet? Miss a lot of notes... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a clarinetist has died? The concertmaster moves them back a chair... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do call a line setup by clarinets? A circle

 

[clarinetbcn]

Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a cat in heat? Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do clarinetists place their cases on the dashboard? So they can park in handicapped spaces. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How many clarinetists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the definition of a nerd? Someone who owns his own alto clarinet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put down a tenor saxophone? Confuse it with a bass clarinet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet? Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain? Gifted. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you get when you remove half a bass clarinetist's brain? An even more gifted contrabass clarinetist. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree? Cut the noose. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections: Flute Brains, $1/lb Tuba Brains, $10/lb Percussion Brains, $5/lb Then he saw a sign that read: Clarinet Brains, $100/lb He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive. The butcher replied, "Do you know hwow many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house? They don't know where to enter and what key to use. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard? Vibrato. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call 20 clarinetists at the bottom of the ocean? A good start. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you stop an oboe from being stolen? Put it in a clarinet case. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you make a saxophone sound like a clarinet? Miss a lot of notes... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a clarinetist has died? The concertmaster moves them back a chair... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What do call a line setup by clarinets? A circle

Not bad!! You missed:
How many Juilliard clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the light bulb and one to kick the chair out from underneath him.

The bottom of the ocean one is copied from lawyers though...

 

[WelshGas]

Spider interrupts Australian Covid briefing

Queensland's health minister remained calm after a journalist said a spider was crawling on her.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[WelshGas]

Can you spot the cat?

 

[WelshGas]

 

[Perfectos]

Can you spot the cat?

View attachment 87514

I think so, a little low to be the fairy though !